That's over, and I'm well now. That's a common term I hear from the folks I've worked with and in casual conversations with. They're having issues (emotionally speaking) with some part of their life or certain individuals in it. The conventional wisdom is that to "deal with" a problem, one must come up with a solution that permanently alleviates the distress caused by it. When people say "I have dealt with it," I've learned they usually mean "I have found a decent method to NOT having to deal with it."
Thus, they often refer to one of the following...
1) I have been able to avoid ruminating about the issue. (You do this by suppressing your awareness of it. Keep in mind that this is more challenging as you grow older. This happens much too frequently, unfortunately.
I have been able to avoid the issue by 2) excluding it from my life. (This is accomplished by removing oneself from any potential stressors).
Thirdly, I've been able to detach myself from the issue by engaging in a diversion. (This is done by participating in routines and activities that considerably pull our focus away from the situation and modify our feelings).
And if you are a person of religion, you may decide to PRAY about it. It is just OK with me. Nevertheless, what if God wants you to accept the situation as it is? The Bible verse that comes to me most frequently is "If you recall someone has anything against you when presenting a sacrifice at the altar in the Temple, you should abandon your offering and go elsewhere. Go over there and make amends with them. Therefore, bring your sacrifice here and give it to the Lord." (Matt. 5:23-24)
Let's use these strategies for solving problems in the realm of mechanical engineering. Which of the following three solutions would you select if your automobile had malfunctioning brakes? If I went with Choice 1, I would keep driving even though I knew the brakes weren't working. In the second scenario, I would park my vehicle in the garage and never take it out again. As for Third Choice, I could crank up the stereo every time I get behind the wheel to take my mind off the squeaky brakes. At this point, it's obvious that you believe I've lost my mind and that what I'm doing is completely absurd. But if that's the case, then why do so many of us deal with our feelings in such a cynical way?
The short answer is that many people don't know what to do!
Just a tiny fraction of those who claim "I've dealt with it" really mean it. One or more of these conditions must be met to effectively address the issue at hand.
1) I've done everything I could to remedy the issue for good. (I am not talking about efforts that didn't work or quick fixes.)
Second, I have finally settled my mind on the issue. (i.e., it is no longer upsetting or painful to consider the issue).
Third, the offended person has my forgiveness (which may include yourself if applicable).
Those who have never had to imagine what their life might be like after resolving the issue at hand may find it difficult to believe that they could ever be at peace or forgive. I employ EMDR, a very successful trauma therapy training method, to help my clients learn to solve their difficulties in the ways I've outlined. Several scientific meta-studies support the effectiveness of this therapy, making it one of many game-changing options now on the market. I hope that one day when you speak those words (perhaps with a grin on your face), they will be said from a place of genuine sincerity.
